A dog's last day

[Catherine]

Knowing that her dog couldn't go on, that the quality of life  was failing, a woman set out to have one last wonderful day of pampering and pleasing her dog  before that last trip to the veterinarian.

http://news.google.ca/news/url?sr=1&ct2=...t=2&at=dt0


It is sad, but it is also beautiful. The woman knows that she did everything she could for her dog and the dog knew that she was loved and cherished as she passed peacefully from this life.

Sometimes a beautiful end is all that we have left to give our pets. They leave us too soon.

[Tobi]

How poignant.
This is never an easy subject for someone who loves an animal, and who knows they are loved back in equal measure at least. It's also not easy because the animal may not overtly "want to go anywhere", and only want to feel better so normal life can continue!
But releasing them from their physical pain is something most of us will have to do at some time or other, so it is very good to see examples of those who unselfishly, have recounted their stories of those precious last days, to give others support.

It's also important to know that a prognosis of a terminal illness, such as cancer, doesn't necessarily mean the animal has to be put to sleep straight away as a knee-jerk reaction. Even though there may be no hope from a physical point of view, the animal is still getting some good quality of life, and 'hospice care' at home is a good idea.
That means working very closely with the vet, and exploring every aspect of palliative care, and being willing/able to put one's own life on hold for the sake of a pet. And not everyone can do that of course.

[LPC]

Yes, the photos and text are moving. We do not know the illness which the dog had, so maybe "that day" had indeed come. However, if she was well enough to play with another dog, it makes me wonder whether "that terrible moment" had come. It is never easy to know the right time and certainly, as Catherine says, the lady did her best to make the dog's last day on earth as pleasant as possilbe.

If I am honest, I found it strange that the lady had a photo taken of herself crying, hugging the dead body of the dog. Such moments, I would have thought, should be private and personal. But perhaps the lady wanted something for posterity.

Maybe the poor dog was in unbearable pain and there was no choice, but with the way the original Imgur photos and comments are written, I just have an uneasy feeling about all of this. Something doesn't seem right. But of course, none of us (including myself) were there and the lady doesn't state why the dog had to be PTS.

At least the dog had a quick and peaceful departure. Blessings to her dear soul!

[Tobi]

Yes LPC. I don't mean to denigrate that family's choice to document their dog's final hours or passing. But ...just in some ways...it seems yet another example of the tendency nowadays to want to document intimate moments of our lives in online photo albums and social media.

Hopefully, the motive was not that, but to express how they felt and to have memorable pictures of the last happy hours of their dear dog. I do remember when Misty passed, I did have a feeling to want to communicate some things about her online (and did so, by writing my first dog-blog). It became the only Earthly thing I had to turn to for those early days after she left, and it was meant to honour her.

I think that's a part of grieving sometimes; to want to talk about the loved one who has passed, or want to do "something creative for them". So I can understand that. I really do 'get it', even though many may not feel the same way.

But to do that for 'selfie' reasons...? That would be very different.

And I could not have imagined inviting a photographer in to capture her final few hours, or my days after she left. As time went by I may have chosen to describe some of those days in my own words, but could not have tolerated fiming of it at the time!

Also, yes, that dog did appear to have some spark still there. But I looked again and saw a terrible weariness. So although she managed to play with that other dog and wolf down a cheeseburger...who knows what she was enduring. It's also possible she was on Tramadol or some other strong painkiller, and that gave her a little boost.

She might well have been okay to go on another week....who knows though, what her story was?

Misty ate well, and went for 3 happy but short walks on her last day, before her illness became a final crisis. Putting her to sleep was not pre-arranged however but forced by circumstance.

I do agree though. Some things -at least the more intimate moments of them -are meant to be private.

[Catherine]

I think for some people sharing private moments is very important. Not everybody has a sense of what a personal life is.
Her sharing could well help other people who are unable to express their feelings.

I think the dog was holding on, but just barely. In the play picture the old dog was not actually playing. It was lying down with the doggie companion. The dog ate some of the cheese burger and walked a little, but I sense that she was weak and struggling in some ways.

This is not the first time we have come across pictures/video of an animals last day. Do you remember the movie about a dog's last weeks of life. The owner was a film maker and he wanted to take his dog to all their favourite spots. He carried him up a mountain trail because the dog was too weak. It was a beautiful movie and I think as a film maker he coped and expressed his sense of loss by making a movie.

I express my sense of loss by planting something. We are all different in our ways of dealing with loss. There is something very moving about the picture of her with her dog, lying on the floor. The image tells people that it is okay to feel that strongly about the loss of a dog.  Who knows how much that might help someone who is having trouble grieving.

[Tobi]

Yes that is a good perspective Catherine. While some of us may wish not to share very sacred or intimate moments, you are right, in that some may feel their deep feelings or grief is totally appropriate by the examples others have set. I think we are all moving away from the old idea, "It's just a dog/cat/(or any other species). Get over it!" And instead truly honouring them as special companions in our lives.
You do make a good point.

[Catherine]

We are coming to recognize that our pets are more that just animals. They are family and we need to grieve their loss.

We are also recognizing that animals of all kinds are more than we thought and that changes how we deal with their deaths.

The other issue is grieving itself. Some of how we grieve is cultural. Some of it is the product of our personalities. One thing I have learned from my work(I work with frail seniors so I have seen a lot of losses over the years) is that there is no right way to grieve. Also you can't judge how deeply people feel a loss by how they express their grief.

We have lots of cultural norms for dealing with the loss of the people in our lives, but we have not yet worked through how to express the loss of a pet. I have attended lots of mini funerals for pets in my neighbourhood. I bury my pets, but I have never wanted anyone else to be there.  I need it to be a private moment.

I don't think I would want to be photographed in my grief, particularly when holding a dying/dead pet. I do spend time holding them like that. I am not so different from that woman, but I can't share those moments publicly. It made me feel better that she was able to share. I think what she did could help other pet owners to know that it is okay to feel the way they do.  In a lot of ways that is why we have a Rainbow Bridge section, it was on of the first sections Bock and I created and it was one of my first posts on ALWF.

[Tobi]

That is true. They are deeply-loved family members and in some cases the only truly loved one or family the person has.
It's also true that we all grieve in different ways. We certainly do. I know someone who moved on with her life straightaway after her dog passed. I rarely saw her sad. She was interested in everything, laughed a lot, and got on with having a nice time.
Yet when we had a chat she told me there wasn't an hour went past when she didn't think of her little dog and missed her very much. And she has times when she cries in the middle of the night. I gave her a gentle hug because I understand absolutely.
This lady also is convinced they go to a life beyond. But that doesn't stop her missing her friend!

And yes, some people want to make blogs and videos, photos and paintings...etc. And others would prefer everything to be very private and quiet. We have to do what we need to do, whatever that is, I think.

However, I was glad no-one else was around when I buried my Misty. That had to be just the two of us.

I think it's great that we have a Rainbow Bridge section on the forum.

[Catherine]

The Rainbow Bridge lets us share as much as we need to. I felt it was important that we keep this part of the old Forum. Some of our members came to us after  a loss.

I am private like you. I need a quiet day before I bury my pets. I sometimes like to wait and bury certain animals together. I waited until Pigbert could be buried with his piggie family. I have Rosebert to bury, but I am waiting until Norbert goes. They should be together. The two brothers were together all their lives. It won't be long now. Norbert is failing. He is almost 7 and that is very old for a guinea pig.

I can understand your friend hiding her grief. She didn't want to show it to people who wouldn't understand. She knew you would understand so she told you.

It is so different from those who make their grief public. They make all their feelings public. I think a lot of people want to be that way. I don't know that they feel things more or less than others. They just need to express them externally. For people like that the modern internet age is a wonderful thing. For those of us who are very private, it can be hard to find privacy, especially for quiet burials and quiet grieving.

[Tobi]

Yes, some people think that you automatically need company when a loved one passes. Now some people do, and some people are happier alone, to process things quietly.
And each bereavement can be very very different too. When my husband passed I had a house full of people within a couple of days, parties, tributes, the funeral...preparing food for everyone, and I liked that. I wanted the company. It also felt so 'right' for him, for how he lived his life, for what he would have enjoyed.

It was the exact opposite when Misty passed. I desperately needed a long time alone. I often do wonder if the form of grieving or whether company is required can be connected with how the deceased one would have felt.....
It seems there is such a strong link to them emotionally just after they have passed.